I
signed up for Facebook (FB) after my son was born in 2008. I thought it was fabulous, connecting
with old friends and sharing pictures of our families with each other. However, I started to receive friend requests
from people I barely knew, mere acquaintances from high school or friends of my
friends. It seemed harmless to
accept their requests (and to be honest, I was mildly curious what they looked
like these days). Before long, my
newsfeed page was covered with posts from people that weren’t even my friends. I honestly could care less about their
political opinions or what they ate for dinner, but somehow I ended up spending
my time thumbing through all these posts.
At times, I even felt an unspoken pressure to “like” other peoples’ posts
out of concern they may be offended or hurt if I didn’t.
Over
time I realized something else was happening. I loved sharing inspirational quotes from the Christian
books I was reading. I often
received positive feedback or “likes” when I would post them. However, without my consciously
realizing it, the amount of feedback I got (or lack of) started to influence
me. I felt special and affirmed
when I got a lot of responses and slightly deflated when I didn’t. Overall I believe I am a fairly secure
person, so it was ever so subtle, but damaging nonetheless.
For
the longest time, I didn’t think FB was a problem for me because I typically
only spent about 45 minutes a day on it.
Though the total amount of time on FB was limited, I found myself
checking my FB page multiple times a day (either on my home computer or on my
phone). Any time I had a few
minutes to spare, I would thumb through the newsfeed page. Without realizing it, FB became my time
filler . . . even when I didn’t have extra time to fill. One day it hit me that my son had been
asking me to play with him over and over, and I kept putting him off because I
was on FB. I knew something had to
give.
In
attempt to separate myself from any FB addiction or unhealthy influence it had
on me, I decided to “fast” FB for a month. It happened to be March of 2013 and was lent season – and the
last day of the month was Easter. How
appropriate. What I didn’t expect
was how significant this month would play in identifying the problems at
hand.
1) Not until I fasted FB did I
realize it had become a compulsion.
I was naturally migrating to it when I had any extra time. The fact that I didn’t spend an
enormous amount of time on it in the day doesn’t negate its’ negative effects. (Though 45 min a day adds up to about
22 hours a month – that is a significant amount of time!) During my fast, I got projects done and
things organized in my home, I spent more time playing with my son, and I spent
more time reading things that actually mattered. I didn’t realize how much FB robbed me of the precious
little moments throughout the day.
Because I was using my extra minutes on FB, I rarely stopped long enough
to pay attention to God’s voice and to those around me that craved my undivided
attention.
2) It took some prayer and
introspection, but I had to admit that I really liked the positive attention
from others on FB. This is not
innately bad, but when it replaces the affirmation of our heavenly Father and
begins to influence what we think about ourselves, then it has to go. It doesn’t matter if it is an
encouraging quote or article, if I am even partially shaping my identity
through the responses from other people on FB then it is not beneficial.
3) I realized that FB was
creating a false sense of community.
Because I was interacting with others regularly via posts and “likes,”
it felt like we were connecting.
However, in reality it was a poor substitute for the real thing. Though it can be beautiful to connect
with out-of-town family and friends this way, it should not be our main means
of connecting with the people we love.
I found myself accepting an abbreviated response on FB as a substitute
for real relationship. I believe we all need to “do life” with each
other (which is far more than an electronic relationship) and that we are vulnerable outside of true community. You can be very active on FB and yet still living in isolation. In my opinion, true friendships
cannot be formed and maintained on FB because a false self is often presented
(an image of how you want to be perceived, which doesn't always match up with the true you).
4) I had succumbed to
electronic entertainment – focusing my attention on mindless and meaningless
activities. Without realizing it,
these electronics had distracted and desensitized me from the more important
things in life. It was during the
FB fast that I also realized I needed to give up Words With Friends. Once again, though I didn’t spend an
enormous amount of time on the game, I was constantly checking my phone
throughout the day to play a word.
It simply does not need to be the first and last thing I do every day. What we spend the most time on is ultimately
what we value the most, so truth be told, FB had become an idol.
I realized
it was extremely important for me to make some changes. I didn’t feel it was necessary to
deactivate my FB account because I don’t think everything about FB is bad. The question was if I could maintain a
balance with FB without being sucked into the negative aspects of it.
1) I decided to take the FB and
Words With Friends App off my phone so I couldn’t check it when away from the
house.
2) I decided to limit myself to
10 or 15 minutes a day on FB (though I am not going to be legalistic about this
time limit – it is merely a guideline). I am way too busy and have too many more important things to
do than spend my time on FB. Before
getting on FB I will ask myself if there is something more important that needs
to be done (cooking, cleaning, planning, phone calls, emails, etc) and choose
wisely how I use my time. If I
find it too difficult to limit my time on FB, then this is a sign of addiction
and I need to shut it down all together.
3) I set filters on my FB
newsfeed so I didn’t spend time reading posts from people I didn’t really know.
If I was going to look at FB then
I wanted that time to be somewhat meaningful.
4) I made up my mind not to
spend time on my electronics over spending my time with my family and friends. I
have chosen to invest in true community and not the mere appearance of it. Furthermore, if my son asks for my
attention while I am “playing” on my phone or computer, I will get off and
spend time with him. Those moments
will pass me by too quickly and I don’t want to miss out on them.
5) Lastly, I decided I wasn’t
going to post any more inspirational quotes (at least for a season). Even if they were encouraging others, I
recognized the ‘likes’ and positive responses I received were “puffing me
up.” I don’t need that. I want to find my affirmation fully and
completely in God’s perspective of me. If I find FB building up my identity or tearing it down, then
it may be necessary to shut down my account altogether. God should be my guide and
affirmation. The number of “likes”
received does not define me as an individual and is not a reflection of my
self-worth. Oh this subtle danger!
Please
understand I am not condemning anyone for their choices regarding FB. I do not believe FB is innately bad, but
I believe it can be bad depending on what value it holds in your life. I am simply sharing my journey and what
I have learned over the last year. Maybe it is applicable to you and maybe it isn’t.
If
you feel FB may be a problem then pray about it or maybe take some time off
from it. As it says in Psalm 36:9,
“In His light we see light.” He
will shine His light upon the situation if you simply stop and give Him the
opportunity. Though I had
consecrated myself to the Lord, it was the consecration of my time that I
lacked. My FB “fast” brought me to
this realization and helped me establish some healthy guidelines in this area. We must take an inventory of our time
and choose wisely. Life is too
precious.
