Hidden Dangers of Facebook

I signed up for Facebook (FB) after my son was born in 2008.  I thought it was fabulous, connecting with old friends and sharing pictures of our families with each other.  However, I started to receive friend requests from people I barely knew, mere acquaintances from high school or friends of my friends.  It seemed harmless to accept their requests (and to be honest, I was mildly curious what they looked like these days).  Before long, my newsfeed page was covered with posts from people that weren’t even my friends.  I honestly could care less about their political opinions or what they ate for dinner, but somehow I ended up spending my time thumbing through all these posts.  At times, I even felt an unspoken pressure to “like” other peoples’ posts out of concern they may be offended or hurt if I didn’t. 

Over time I realized something else was happening.  I loved sharing inspirational quotes from the Christian books I was reading.  I often received positive feedback or “likes” when I would post them.  However, without my consciously realizing it, the amount of feedback I got (or lack of) started to influence me.  I felt special and affirmed when I got a lot of responses and slightly deflated when I didn’t.  Overall I believe I am a fairly secure person, so it was ever so subtle, but damaging nonetheless.

For the longest time, I didn’t think FB was a problem for me because I typically only spent about 45 minutes a day on it.  Though the total amount of time on FB was limited, I found myself checking my FB page multiple times a day (either on my home computer or on my phone).  Any time I had a few minutes to spare, I would thumb through the newsfeed page.  Without realizing it, FB became my time filler . . . even when I didn’t have extra time to fill.  One day it hit me that my son had been asking me to play with him over and over, and I kept putting him off because I was on FB.  I knew something had to give.  

In attempt to separate myself from any FB addiction or unhealthy influence it had on me, I decided to “fast” FB for a month.  It happened to be March of 2013 and was lent season – and the last day of the month was Easter.  How appropriate.  What I didn’t expect was how significant this month would play in identifying the problems at hand. 

1)    Not until I fasted FB did I realize it had become a compulsion.  I was naturally migrating to it when I had any extra time.  The fact that I didn’t spend an enormous amount of time on it in the day doesn’t negate its’ negative effects.  (Though 45 min a day adds up to about 22 hours a month – that is a significant amount of time!)  During my fast, I got projects done and things organized in my home, I spent more time playing with my son, and I spent more time reading things that actually mattered.  I didn’t realize how much FB robbed me of the precious little moments throughout the day.  Because I was using my extra minutes on FB, I rarely stopped long enough to pay attention to God’s voice and to those around me that craved my undivided attention.

2)    It took some prayer and introspection, but I had to admit that I really liked the positive attention from others on FB.  This is not innately bad, but when it replaces the affirmation of our heavenly Father and begins to influence what we think about ourselves, then it has to go.  It doesn’t matter if it is an encouraging quote or article, if I am even partially shaping my identity through the responses from other people on FB then it is not beneficial.

3)    I realized that FB was creating a false sense of community.  Because I was interacting with others regularly via posts and “likes,” it felt like we were connecting.  However, in reality it was a poor substitute for the real thing.  Though it can be beautiful to connect with out-of-town family and friends this way, it should not be our main means of connecting with the people we love.  I found myself accepting an abbreviated response on FB as a substitute for real relationship.  I believe we all need to “do life” with each other (which is far more than an electronic relationship) and that we are vulnerable outside of true community.  You can be very active on FB and yet still living in isolation.  In my opinion, true friendships cannot be formed and maintained on FB because a false self is often presented (an image of how you want to be perceived, which doesn't always match up with the true you).  

4)    I had succumbed to electronic entertainment – focusing my attention on mindless and meaningless activities.  Without realizing it, these electronics had distracted and desensitized me from the more important things in life.  It was during the FB fast that I also realized I needed to give up Words With Friends.  Once again, though I didn’t spend an enormous amount of time on the game, I was constantly checking my phone throughout the day to play a word.  It simply does not need to be the first and last thing I do every day.  What we spend the most time on is ultimately what we value the most, so truth be told, FB had become an idol. 

I realized it was extremely important for me to make some changes.  I didn’t feel it was necessary to deactivate my FB account because I don’t think everything about FB is bad.  The question was if I could maintain a balance with FB without being sucked into the negative aspects of it. 

1)    I decided to take the FB and Words With Friends App off my phone so I couldn’t check it when away from the house. 

2)    I decided to limit myself to 10 or 15 minutes a day on FB (though I am not going to be legalistic about this time limit – it is merely a guideline).  I am way too busy and have too many more important things to do than spend my time on FB.  Before getting on FB I will ask myself if there is something more important that needs to be done (cooking, cleaning, planning, phone calls, emails, etc) and choose wisely how I use my time.  If I find it too difficult to limit my time on FB, then this is a sign of addiction and I need to shut it down all together.

3)    I set filters on my FB newsfeed so I didn’t spend time reading posts from people I didn’t really know.  If I was going to look at FB then I wanted that time to be somewhat meaningful.

4)    I made up my mind not to spend time on my electronics over spending my time with my family and friends. I have chosen to invest in true community and not the mere appearance of it.  Furthermore, if my son asks for my attention while I am “playing” on my phone or computer, I will get off and spend time with him.  Those moments will pass me by too quickly and I don’t want to miss out on them.

5)    Lastly, I decided I wasn’t going to post any more inspirational quotes (at least for a season).  Even if they were encouraging others, I recognized the ‘likes’ and positive responses I received were “puffing me up.”  I don’t need that.  I want to find my affirmation fully and completely in God’s perspective of me.  If I find FB building up my identity or tearing it down, then it may be necessary to shut down my account altogether.  God should be my guide and affirmation.  The number of “likes” received does not define me as an individual and is not a reflection of my self-worth.  Oh this subtle danger!

Please understand I am not condemning anyone for their choices regarding FB.  I do not believe FB is innately bad, but I believe it can be bad depending on what value it holds in your life.  I am simply sharing my journey and what I have learned over the last year.  Maybe it is applicable to you and maybe it isn’t. 

If you feel FB may be a problem then pray about it or maybe take some time off from it.  As it says in Psalm 36:9, “In His light we see light.”  He will shine His light upon the situation if you simply stop and give Him the opportunity.  Though I had consecrated myself to the Lord, it was the consecration of my time that I lacked.  My FB “fast” brought me to this realization and helped me establish some healthy guidelines in this area.  We must take an inventory of our time and choose wisely.  Life is too precious.